When I die

The email was unceremonious. Nothing more than a link to a YouTube post and the name of a friend from years past. The preview or thumbnail that was frozen on the screen was a scene of empty rows of chairs facing a podium and an array of what we all recognize as funeral flowers. And on a screen I could see a photo of my precious friend from years ago. 

There was no description, no explanation of where the event was being held and no name associated with the person officiating. I had to strain to hear the audio and I would have benefited from an order of worship being included somewhere in the post. 

I felt grief and appreciation and it provoked me to add another section to the  “When I Die” folder prominently displayed on my desktop.

“What?” you ask. Yes, I have one and you need one too. 

I’ve been hearing advertisements for a NOK box (Next of Kin) and there are Organizers available for your Will and essential documents, but as a Christian who wants my death to be a faithful testimony to and proclamation of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ, putting my proverbial “affairs in order” includes more than what the secular world is currently offering up. 

What’s your plan? Where is your “When I die” folder and who knows about it and how to access it? My mom has a big red three ring binder. I appreciate that more than she could ever know. How about you? 

I think this is something we all need to work on TOGETHER. Do some work on it and then invite members of your family and others into the process. Because it is a process! This is not a “once and done” file but something that you will want to continually update (at least once a year). 

So, what’s in it? Mine has three categories of content: 

1. Information you will need When I Die
   1. Account access: computer log in, social media log ins, etc.
   2. Lists of who to notify and how to notify them: phone, text, email, social posts, obituary
      1. Emergency contacts, neighbors, friends, employer/ colleagues, pastor, Sunday school class, community group, financial advisor, funeral home, extended family, doctors, lawyer, accountant, etc.
2. Inspiration and organization: my plans for what I want said and done when I die
   1. Fill in the details and then POST THIS to my Facebook, Instagram, Twitter/X, LinkedIn, and YouTube pages. Each of these are “unique” but also have duplicate material. (Yes, Facebook has “memorial” pages)
      1. This should include contact information for whoever the “point person” is for fielding questions and receiving condolences on behalf of your loved ones
   2. Fill in the details and then share this Order of Worship with the Funeral Home and pastor officiating at the service(s). You will need to meet in advance with the Director of a local funeral home and make all the arrangements for YOUR wishes to be carried out When You Die.
      1. Caskets are expensive, Cemetery plots are expensive. Headstones are expensive. YOU should decide in advance what you want to be wearing if the casket is going to be open during a family visitation time. YOU should decide in advance what is inscribed on the tombstone. YOU should decide in advance where memorial gifts or “gifts in honor of ____” are to be made. Spell it all out and include instructions in your When I Die file for your family to contact those organizations so they can be prepared to receive gifts and respond to donors with knowledge of who you are and WHY you chose them. 
   3. Fill in the details and then send this Obituary to (specify media). This is also where the “How Much” file comes into play.
      1. Posting obituaries in traditional newspapers is expensive. YOU should decide in advance what you want said, where you want it said and provide the financial means to post what you want, where you want it. 
3. Distribution and blessing
   1. My Last Will and Testament
      1. Work with your financial advisor, accountant, attorney and loved ones on this. There should be NO SURPRISES when you die. Everyone should know what you believe, where you’re spending eternity and how to join you when they die. Death stings but it does not have to keep on stinging. Jesus has removed the stinger of death – He has defanged the great enemy – He Lights the Way and He carries us through the valley of the shadow. 

When I die funeral planning resources

Answer the questions of who, what, when, where, why, how and how much. 

Who do you want to accompany your body to the funeral home, deliver your “what I want to wear” bag, notify others, officiate at the services, sing, play, speak, carry the casket, host the lunch, host the after party, etc. Your people will appreciate that you “thought of everything” because if you don’t make your wishes known the pimento cheese sandwich crew will set out the plastic carnations and go through whatever “the funeral drill” is at your local funeral home. If you want your death to be a testimony to the resurrection power of God and you want the Gospel preached, you have to do the planning now. 

Who? Who is going to be able to carry out your wishes? This may or may not be your oldest adult child. It may well be a grandchild or a Deacon or Elder from church. You choose the Who. I love my husband enough to know that he cannot be the who when I die. I want my people to be able to grieve so my who is a neighbor and friend who is close but not too close. She will not be paralyzed by my death. She loves me, but not too much. She respects my When I Die plan and most importantly, she’s a believing Christian who understands my “why.” 

What is your Why?

The what, when, where, how and how much are standard details, but the WHY, you’re why – must be central to the believer’s preparation and legacy. This is one thing no one else can do for you. But if you do it, you will leave behind the greatest gift for your friends and family, a faithful testimony pointing them beyond the grave— to the hope we have in Jesus. 

So, why have a service at all? Why have a service of witness to the resurrection of Jesus Christ that is also a celebration of your life? Why have these passages of Scripture? Why have these songs? Why read these prayers (yes, I have written the prayers I want read at the service because prayer is as much a time of proclamation as speaking and singing.) So, what is your why? 

Sometimes your why is summarized in a passage or a song. If so, put it on the front page of your When I Die file and include it in its entirety in the bulletin you’ve already formatted for the service. Feature it prominently in the social media posts you’re preparing in advance or in the video file you’re leaving for others to watch When You Die. 

Truth is, we’re all going to die. You’re going to die. I’m going to die. Acting as if it’s never going to happen is pure hubris. Putting off conversations because they’re difficult is irresponsible. Jesus talked a lot about the fact that He was going to die. Do a study of what theologians call his “passion predictions.” Jesus told his disciples where he was going to die, how he would die and who would be responsible. He gave his disciples metaphors and parables as a way of preparing them for His death and He told them what to do after he died. 

Let us follow the example of our Lord and Savior, living as those who are prepared to die and saying what needs to be said and doing what needs to be done so others will be prepared When We Die.